His whole life lay before him, with family and army mates
But sadly, long before his time, he arrived at the pearly gates
So, he asked St Peter, “I only have one fear
Before I take one step inside, do they have Sergeant Majors here?”
St Peter replied “Well yes we do, but we make them toe the line
You have no cause for worry, everything will work out fine
They can be a nuisance, the way they rant and rage
That’s why in this place, they have their own cage”.
“You’ll find no barber shops up here, no short back and sides
We don’t have rules or orders, just a few rough guides
No one here will yell at you, or stand you to attention
And there is no such thing, as CB or detention,”
“All your meals are served on time, no needle parades at all
They call this place paradise, so you just have a ball
You are always free, to do what you want to do
And one point to remember, you’ll never have to queue”.
The young lad seemed a bit confused, it was too good to be true
“Are you sure Sergeant Majors are locked away, just like some army zoo?”
They made my short life hell on earth and I have little doubt
They’ll be seeking vengeance, if someone lets them out”.
Then he heard a distant thunder, booming without affection
There were poor souls fleeing, in each and every direction
He spied a far off figure and it caused him great alarm
Spitting fire and fury, with a pace stick, under his arm
The youngster cried, “I’m outta here, there is one thing you can’t hide
I know that rank anywhere, “ I thought you were on my side”.
St Peter said.” My child you’re wrong and I will make a wager
That imposter is God himself, He just thinks he’s a Sergeant Major”.
By Tomas ‘Paddy’ Hamilton
20 February 2019
R.I.P. Windsor Davies, Battery Sergeant Major Williams (It Ain’t Half Hot Mum)