The Snake

I wondered why we settled here, in the land that time forgot

When it comes to nasty fauna, this place has got the lot

Some simple words of warning, take them for what it’s worth

The Aussie Inland Taipan, is the most dangerous snake on earth

 

Next up are our spiders and it seems that’s it’s no lie

If a Funnel Web latches onto you can kiss your life goodbye

Sharks cruising off our beach, Crocodiles in the creek

This place is so bloody dangerous, it’s not safe to take a leak

 

If you use the outdoor dunny, it’s still no easy feat

Always check before you sit, there’s no Red Back on the seat

Now I have set the scene, for a yarn I will relate

For if I keep on phaffing on, it will be too bloody late

 

It was during summer recess, before the sun rose to its’ height

We found a dead snake on the road, well at least it couldn’t bite

Waw our baker coming, with his horse and cart

We thought up some mischief, that would give him quite a start

 

On the porch of every home, sat the old bread bin

Old Toby used to come along and put a fresh loaf in

We gathered up the reptile and put it there instead

Little did we realise, the bloody thing wasn’t dead

 

 

When he came to our house, he lifted up the lid

The serpent rose and spat at him, just at the time he did

For Toby was an Irishman, far from the emerald shore

And he’d never seen a ‘joe blake’ quite that close before

 

The ‘auld fella’ took off like a shock, you could see it by his tracks

That finally when he made it home, he’d have to change his daks

He raced towards the horse and cart, his mortal fears laid bare

‘Cause every time he looked behind. The bastard was still there

 

He called out to St Patrick. “Please save me from this fate

And do it feking quickly, before I reach the gate!”

He sprung aboard, his charity froze with fright

And those who lived in Hill St, had never witnessed such a sight

 

The old nag moved so slowly, then came to a sudden halt

She knew her bread run all too well and did it without fault

We all let fly with rocks and stones, the baker wished that he was dead

‘Cause most of them missed, the bloody snake and hit poor Toby in the head

 

Well nature will reward those, who perform a goodly deed

For nearby lived some Kookaburras, poor Toby used to feed

Now I guess you’ll all know, how the story ends

For it is no secret, snakes and Kookaburras are not friends

 

They swooped down from their branch on high, striking deadly blows

No trace was left of the snake, not even for the crows

When the birds had their fill, they laughed the whole day long

But for the poor old reptile, it was its’ requiem song

 

Word of our mischievous deed, spread throughout the town

A sore backside a painful prize, for being such a clown

We were the stuff of legends, to all our gang at school

But our teachers all rebuked us, for acting like a fool

 

This all occurred so long ago and I really feel a louse

It took poor Toby many months, before he left his house

In God’s good time he passed away and I’ve heard it said

He now sits by the ‘Pearly Gates”, delivering the daily bread.

 

By Tomas ‘Paddy’ Hamilton
5 July 2020

 

FILE PHOTO: A Royal Thai Army jungle survival expert demonstrates the bite of a non-venomous snake, to members of the 1st Battalion, Royal Australian Regiment, during Exercise Chapel Gold 2018 in Chiang Mai Province, Thailand. Base photo by Corporal Matthew Bickerton (digitally altered by CONTACT).

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Brian Hartigan

Managing Editor Contact Publishing Pty Ltd PO Box 3091 Minnamurra NSW 2533 AUSTRALIA

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